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In 2012 I kept a journal on a deck of playing cards. I went from Bolivia to Adelaide, and then left on my own on a bus to Melbourne to be a comedian. I fell in love and screwed it up several times, and made more bad decisions than I care to remember, which is a bummer, because I've forced myself to. That's what this is.
I had tickets to a music festival over New Years, but after that Christmas bender the thought of going away and partying again for another few days made me sick. I ended up working a glassy shift at The Workers on New Years Eve and having a few drinks before the year changed, so if you want to be pedantic, I guess I failed the challenge. Rach came to meet me at The Workers after midnight. We went home together, and it took me another month to break up with her.
No one was mad at me for being a fuckhead, they were all used to it, but it felt like the whole point of going to Melbourne was to be different to who I was before I'd left. Going on a 4 day bender, sleeping with an ex, insecurity and paranoia – that wasn't different, it was exactly the same. I committed to Melbourne, and threw myself into stand up, and it was only five years later that I went back for Christmas 2017 and could finally see my hometown with different eyes.
You've got to go away to come back.
I always considered the Joker to be like my 'cheat day' in case I didn't actually make it to the end of the year. I'd say the drinks I had on New Year's Eve are worthy of using that cheat day, so technically I did complete my challenge.
I like to think of the stately prince on this card as me, riding away on my bike, cape flapping in the wind, the number 808 on a rock on the floor for some reason – probably because I really fuck with synth music now.
I did it.
Day 52 – December 25th
36 hrs of alcohol poisoning
Terrible fucking Christmas
Farewell 2012
You were brilliant
I cried tears
In the three days from when I got to Adelaide I'd managed to catch up with all of the main groups of people in my life: The Lost Boys, The Melbourne Boys, Phil, and my family. I got home to my parents' empty house from Phil's housewarming on the morning of Christmas Eve and went to sleep. When I woke up I could barely move.
My family had all gone down to our holiday house in Marion Bay, a three-hour drive from Adelaide. I'd planned to head down there with Lucy and Phil, but after his housewarming, Phil decided he wanted to stay in Adelaide and spend Christmas with his family. Lucy didn't want to go just the two of us after we'd slept together two nights earlier, she said it'd be weird.
I spent Christmas Day 2012 alone on a couch at my parents' place watching movies on my laptop. At one point I spilled my pint glass full of water across the keyboard, and thought it might be broken. That would have been so perfectly awful, I'm laughing at the memory of my terror as I write this.
I stayed on that couch for 36 hours. Every now and then I'd try to vomit into a bucket, and I kept up a few conversations with people online with people I'd barely spoken to before or since. The kind of people who are up for an earnest chat while they sit in the bored haze of Christmas, I told them I was sad, and we talked vaguely about life, and adjustments.
My parents' mate Fitzy came by in the afternoon with some food from his place and I meekly thanked him. Also Lucy came by, but I was upset with her for not wanting to come to Marion Bay, and upset with myself for putting partying ahead of my family. I cried bitter, lonely tears after she left. I can't exactly recall when, but I remember the sobbing being painful.
The next day my younger cousin Ian drove us up to Marion Bay, and I spent a night with him and the rest of my family before we jumped back in his car and drove back. Twenty-minutes into the return journey I realised I'd left the DVD of 'Community' my Mum had got me for Christmas back at the place, and after enduring a few minutes of my sulking Ian turned the car around and we drove back to get it in silence. When we finally spoke again he asked me about comedy, and what I thought my plan might be. I tried to sound serious, talked about what I saw as my flaws – selfishness, lack of control and direction. We hugged when he dropped me off, and I caught the bus back to Melbourne the next day.
Click here to read the last part - The End
Day 51 – December 23rd
Phil's housewarming was awesome but this night began my insecure, worried feelings about almost everyone around me. Now I am fretful.
I passed out and someone drew on my face
Phil had just moved into a new place and this night was his housewarming. I had a great chat with James (Brodie's brother) about how I thought I might have to break up with Rachel when I got back to Melbourne. She'd come back from her trip just in time for us to have one quick catch-up at my place before I left, but even after just that it was clear, if I was honest with myself, that I wasn't in it the same as I was before she left. I padded around Phil's backyard in the afternoon, thinking about what I'd have to do when I got back to Melboune. I drank by myself for the most part while everyone else was busy organising things for the party, making plans and calling people to see where they were at. I didn't want to wait.
I was was tired from two days of partying, and at one point I passed out on a couch. When I woke up someone had drawn all over my face in black marker. I was feeling insecure after the gum thing, and took the drawing as another attempt at specifically and deliberately disrespecting me, so I got all upset and stumbled around the party asking people if they'd done it. Nobody knew anything.
I was sure it was Brodie, but no one else seemed to care. I let it ruin my night, and went to sleep unfulfilled.
Click here to read the next part - Day 52 - December 25th
